This politically incorrect story, which has been making the rounds of inboxes for some time, reminds me of an article John Cleese (of Monty Python fame) wrote some years back titled “The Importance of Being Offensive.” If you’re too worried about whether you’re just possibly offending someone, he said, it’s very difficult to be funny. He told the story of getting his inspiration for the character Otto in A Fish Called Wanda from an American magazine advertisement with the headline “Zen Gives You the Winning Edge”. Now that’s funny!
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved”. Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross”. Londoners have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz began in 1940 and tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance”. The last time the British issued “A Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability.
It’s not only the English and French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to”Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose”.
Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone From “isolationism” to “find another oil-rich nation in the middle east ripe for regime change”. Their remaining higher alert states are “Attack random countries (ideally those without any credible military)” and “Beg the British for help”.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
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