In the rough and tumble stress of coping in the modern world, here are 15 ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity:
1. In the Memo section of all your checks, write “For Marijuana”.
2. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “To Go”.
4. Sing along at the opera.
5. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you have a headache.
6. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling “Run for your lives! They’re loose!”
7. Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
8. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and
point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
9. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
10. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
11. Finish all your sentences with “in accordance with the prophecy”.
12. When you speak, don’t use any punctuation.
13. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
14. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I won! I won!”
15. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity: e-mail this to someone to make them smile and laugh. It’s called therapy!
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