March 31, 2012 — With commissions once again being lowered, the elimination of SPIFFS and bonuses, unjustified charge-backs and touring financially challenged sales guests— including the very old and young ones who never vacation— a group of schleps working with a developer privately agreed to strike for one full week by ‘blanking’ in order to force the developer’s attention.
By the third day of the strike the newly appointed sales manager, Ms. Sally Newbie, was perplexed as not even the ‘lay-downs’ were buying, and although she held a sales meeting and tried to get to the root of the problem the schleps all told Ms. Sally they didn’t know why the tours weren’t ‘stepping up’!
Not knowing what else to do Sally called the project director, Mr. Peter Principle, who was again ‘off-site’ personally training the newest young liner Ms. Lolita Trollop. Fearing confronting the sales team himself and especially not wanting to interrupt his special training session with Lolita, Peter immediately called Dave the Developer.
As usual Dave was at the Country Club when the call came through and after reaming Pete ‘a new one’ he then called Sally and gave her an earful, too. But ultimately Dave decided he had no choice but to leave the 19th hole that noon, jump in his newly acquired $845,000 Porsche 918 Spyder and speed off to the sales center to confront the disgruntled sales team.
When Dave arrived he walked into the sale center and went Ballistic! “What is wrong with you people? Monkeys could sell this! I spend good money to feed you tours and you can’t sell them!
“Bunch of worthless, weak…” he muttered. “I’m going to close this whole frickin’ thing down unless I get answers!”
Tom, the Top Closer for the Schleps, stood up and calmly spoke:
“You want answers?”
Dave responded, sternly insisting, “I think I’m entitled to them.”
Tom asked again, a little louder, “You want answers?”
Dave barked, “I want the truth!”
“You can’t handle the truth!” Tom shouted back.
“We are all here for one reason only and that is because like you, Dave, we, too, need money. And who is going to get that money for all of us? Is your Accountant going to do it Dave? Your Attorney, your executive management team, your secretary?
“We Schleps have a responsibility greater than any developer can fathom, Dave. We meet what you call sales guests every day but many of them don’t have a pot to piss in and can’t even afford a long 3-day weekend once a year let alone afford a timeshare plan!
“And what do we get after we spend hours with each sales guest doing our professional best to sell them something they can neither use nor afford? Lowered commissions, the elimination of SPIFFS and Bonuses, unjustified charge-backs, and a never-ending line of Googans walking in the sales door day after day who have no business being here in the first place.
“And although we are earning less, while tragic, it still keeps the wheel greased. Up until this week, our willingness to close deals under these deplorable conditions never wavered and while our talent and expertise in closing deals is grotesque and incomprehensible to you, and you continue to weep about the cost of tours, nonetheless, we provide you an extremely lavish lifestyle!
“You don’t want the truth Dave. Because deep down inside, in places you don’t talk about at parties, you need us on that sales line. You want us to close these deals so the room stays open and continues to support you in a manner to which you’ve become accustomed and that most people only dream about.
“And to make us all money and close deals we use words like ‘today only’, ‘special inventory’ and ‘developer close-out’ to get people to pay you twenty or thirty grand when they can get something comparable elsewhere for five grand or less!
“We have neither the time nor inclination to explain our ‘blanking’ actions any further to you, Dave, you who sleep nightly under the very blanket of money we provide and whose very existence depends on our talents while your actions clearly demonstrate your total disrespect for us and our families’ well being.
“We’d rather you just thank us, increase our commissions, stop the bogus charge-backs, bring back the SPIFFS and other bonuses and then be on your way back to the Country Club.
“Otherwise, we all highly recommend that you get on the sales line, Dave, with your Accountant, your Attorney, your executive management team and secretary and start closing those deals. We don’t give a damn either way and we really don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to!
“So, Dave, did you once again order the lowering of commissions, authorize more bogus charge-backs, eliminate the SPIFFS and bonuses and expand the policy of bringing in even more unqualified tours?
Dave responded quietly, “I listened to my advisors.”
Tom shouted back, “Did you or did you not order the lowering of commissions, authorize more bogus charge-backs, eliminate the SPIFFS and bonuses and expand the policy of bringing in even more unqualified tours?
Dave screamed, “You’re goddamn right I did!!!”
And as the Schleps all stood up and walked out of the sales center Dave screamed desperately to their departing backs, “I’m gonna rip the eyes out of your head and piss into your dead skull! You f****d with the wrong Developer!
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