December 28, 2012 — It’s post time! The thoroughbreds stand tall and eager in the starting gate and as the anxious crowd in the grandstand — who bet it all to beat the oddsmakers— stare through their field glasses the clamor of the bell signals the beginning of what is sure to be a heated race. And they’re off and running in this year’s annual 2013 Timeshare Paradise Derby.
So here’s the scoop. At stake are billions of dollars and the highly coveted VPG Trophy with the serious ‘players’ in this year’s competition wagering their fortunes & futures by letting it all ride on a high pay-out trifecta consisting of ‘Qualification’ (Q), ‘Presentation’ (P), and ‘Closer’ (C).
It’s a beautiful day here at Seventh Heaven Downs ladies and gentlemen and as the horses thunder around the first turn, nostrils flaring, it looks like Q, P & C are going for the victory as they pull out in front, fighting neck and neck to take the early lead as they race into the backstretch.
Ladies and gentlemen this is shaping up to be the mother of all races as they reach the ½ mile mark and Q, P & C are now holding 1st, 2nd and 3rd places (respectively).
But wait, hold on to your tickets because here come ‘Steady Eddie’, ‘Liner’, ‘Wanna Be Rep’ and ‘Nose Bleed Drop’ moving up to within a length of Q, P & C.
And Oh My God! Now it’s ‘Know It All’, ‘A Sale Is Made Every Time’, ‘Where’d Ya Get Weak’, ‘An UP is an UP’ and ‘Greasy Bob’ making their move and tightening the pack while ‘Heat Merchant’ roars up from behind on the outside as they round the final turn!
Ladies and gentlemen, in all my years I have never witnessed such an exhilarating competition! And down the stretch they come, with mud flying everywhere, hooves pounding the track like cannon balls and all the horses so close to each other it will surely be a photo finish!
The crowd is on its feet and the roaring and cheering is deafening as the horses strain toward the finish line! Most of the riders are now going to the whip and it is looking like ‘Q’ might pull it off by a nose and possibly break a world record!
NO! Oh My God ladies and gentlemen, what a tragedy! I can’t believe my eyes! ‘Q’ has stumbled just a few feet before the finish line, bringing the whole field down behind her in what is now a jumble of heads, legs, saddles, whips, helmets, goggles and jockeys piled in a heap on the track! I’ve never witnessed anything like this in my life!
The dust is clearing ladies and gentlemen and the crowd, now totally silent, is standing in disbelief and shock with some weeping rivers of tears. But thank God, yes, I can see now; it doesn’t look like any of the horses or jockeys are injured as they slowly get to their feet.
But not so fast folks, it looks like ‘Qualification’ is still down. The jockey, ‘Heavy Hitter’, is slowly getting up to his knees, wiping mud and blood from his brow, but ‘Q’ still remains motionless.
The track vet is now huddled over ‘Q’, ladies and gentlemen, along with the trainer. A hush has fallen over the track. We can only hope the mare will be okay because she sure seemed to have it all going for her coming into this race.
Wait, this word just came in to the press box. Sadly, ‘Q’ is going to be put down. The trainer and the jockey have also told the track vet and our field reporter that they both warned Q’s owner ‘Developer’ that the mare should never have been entered in the first place because she was not sound, but ‘Developer’ ignored their professional advice and forced ‘Q’ to run anyway.
Asked about this by our reporter, ‘Developer’ just shrugged his shoulders and walking away said, “As far as I’m concerned Qualification was sound.”
Senseless, ladies and gentlemen, is an understatement to be sure. As far as this reporter is concerned if there was ever a need for a merciless horse whipping this is surely that raison d’être and ‘Developer’ has earned a good thrashing!
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