Tech support personnel burn out fairly quickly on the job, and it’s no wonder why. Just check out some of these real life issues they deal with every day and you’ll see that no matter what they get paid, sometimes it just isn’t enough.
1). Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Tech Support: “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Tech Support: “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”
Customer: “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”
2) Customer: “I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.”
Tech Support:: “Did you install the update?”
Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”
3). Customer: “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”
Tech Support:: “Tell me what you’ve done.”
Customer: “I typed ‘A:SETUP’.”
Tech Support:: “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.”
Customer: “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”
Tech Support:: “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”
Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?”
4). Customer: “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support: ?!%#$
5). Tech Support: “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer: “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”
6) Tech Support: “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer: “A white one.”
7). Tech Support: “Type ‘A:’ at the prompt.”
Customer: “How do you spell that?”
8). Tech Support: “What’s on your screen right now?”
Customer: “A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store.”
9). Customer: “My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.”
10). Customer: “How do I print my voicemail?”
11). Customer: “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”
Tech Support: “What does it say?”
Customer: “Something about an error and non-system disk.”
Tech Support: “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”
Customer: “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”
12). Tech Support: “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24 hours.”
Customer: “Is that Eastern time?”
13). Tech Support:: “What does the screen say now?”
Customer: “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”
Tech Support:: “Well?”
Customer: “How do I know when it’s ready?”
14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What’s the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.
And finally, here’s an oldie but a goodie:
15). Customer: hello?
Technical Support: hello
Customer: yeah, my cup holder broke and my computer is still under warranty, so I would like to get it replaced.
Technical Support: ummm cup holder?
Customer: yeah cup holder…
Technical Support: ummm did you get it with a promotional offer?
Technical Support: umm are you sure you got the right company?
Technical Support: Ummm… i ‘m sorry if I sound confused, because I am.
Customer: well it’s square, and it’s on the front of the computer, and it comes out when you press a button…
At this point the Tech support guy had to put the guy on hold so he could finish laughing…
The guy had broken his CD-ROM drive, thinking it was a cup holder.
Do you have an ‘off’ topic you’d like to share? It can be about anything, which is why it’s called “Off Topic”. Send it to [email protected], with the words “Off Topic” in the Subject Box.