February 14, 2014 — This inter office memorandum is of a highly confidential nature and is not to be disseminated, dispersed, distributed or circulated to any unauthorized personnel. Confidential Company Memo – Timeshare Sales Division – Attention: Ms. Natasha Feelgood, Senior Vice President of Marketing – RE: Annual Gross Income Sales Guest (Tour) Qualification – A Detailed response is required by the time I arrive at my next Port of Call.
So Here’s The Scoop: Dear Ms. Feelgood. I was shocked, SHOCKED I tell you to hear some very disturbing financial news today while yachting in the Mediterranean and mooring at the Marina Grande on the island of Capri, Italy. So surprised was I that I still find it difficult to believe or accept that in the USA, a land of plenty, these deplorable conditions actually exist.
Due to limited onboard satellite TV reception in this area – and down to my last ½ empty faceted crystal decanter of Macallan Imperiale “M” that I had acquired on my previous stopover in Hong Kong – I was only able to receive one USA TV news channel while in port. Thankfully it was a non-main-stream multinational media conglomerate without a biased agenda.
In fact I was watching the good people on ‘Vixen and Twerps’ this morning discussing a newly released study by the not-for-profit political action committee ‘Concerned Great Grand Parents For A Better America & Concealed Weapon Permits’ and that group asserted the average American family with a gross annual household income of $58,437.14 (or less) is living under duress and many are, believe it or not, actually struggling financially and “barely making ends meet”.
The discussion went on to report that after the “working class” standard federal, state and other tax obligations are deducted from each paycheck and their recurring living expenses such as a monthly mortgage or rent payment, annual property taxes (when applicable), housing costs such as electric, cable, gas, water, garbage service, internet access and multiple cphones for the family plus food expenses, their disposable ‘mad-money’ (income) is nearly “vaporized”.
They also tallied into the equation their basic transportation costs such as car payment(s) & auto insurance, gas, oil, tires and general vehicle maintenance as well as the families’ clothing allowances, household maintenance & upkeep costs, personal care products, alcohol and tobacco use, non-insured medical needs such as dental necessities, health and life insurance premiums and entertainment such as eating out once a month at a fast food restaurant or going to the movies for the entire family.
And, Ms. Feelgood — excluding any unexpected major family financial needs or emergencies, savings plans or college expenses for their children, pension plans and/or other retirement contributions or other investments, etc. — it would appear that many of the sales guests invited to attend our informative 90-minute get together cannot muster up a full down payment for any of our timeshare plans, nor pay the corresponding 5 to 7 years of timely monthly payments at 14.3928% interest, late fees, etc. let alone afford our average annual maintenance fee.
I also learned today that for several decades now American family annual incomes have not kept pace with inflation and their after-tax purchasing power for all goods and services has been steadily declining (eroding); and that this phenomenon apparently has been going on, according to today’s show and report, for the past 30 years!
Therefore, Ms. Feelgood, explain to me, again, why I should continue to pay $500 cold hard cash for each and every one of the tens of thousands of these sales guests each year who fall into this paradigm; Tours that have as much of a probability of purchasing one of my highly desirable, sought-after and treasured timeshare plans as does one of my TS reps has acquiring, legally that is, a superyacht equal to my cherished $65 Million 300 ft. ‘EndlessFun&Funds’?
Additionally include in your justification that even though my sales reports and industry studies continue to indicate that the 25 to 35-year-old sales guests rarely purchase a TS plan, often cancel when they do (including our budget-minded products) – as do the 65 and older sales guests – why I should continue paying out my money for that caliber of sales guest (TOURS) as well?
I will expect your electronically submitted detailed report including NLT *“twenty-seven eight-by-ten color glossy photographs with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining” how “each one” is “to be used” to support your “evidence” etc. by the time I cruise into the Puerto José Banus in Marbella on the Costa del Sol.
*You may, of course, include any “aerial photography” to support your position.
Failure to respond in detail will result in one of my strongly worded letters!
That is all – Your Developer Extraordinaire
Hoist The Sails – Anchors Aweigh Mates! I’m Popeye the sailor…
*Partial lyrics from Arlo Guthrie’s 1967 Alice’s Restaurant Album: “Alice’s Restaurant Massacree” – A musical monologue (aka: “Alice’s Restaurant”)
Good luck out there!
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