A Mom I know sent this in with the following note: “For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.”
Happy Mother’s Day! 😉
- There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.
- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
- A 3 year old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
- The glass in widows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
- When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh-oh”, it’s already too late.
- Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
- A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
- Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
- Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
- Super glue is forever.
- No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swinmming pool you still can’t walk on water.
- Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
- VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
- You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
- Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
- It will however make cats dizzy.
- Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
- A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).
Are you still smiling? 😉
Do you have an ‘off’ topic you’d like to share? It can be about anything, which is why it’s called “Off Topic”. Send it to [email protected], with the words “Off Topic” in the Subject Box.