he following tongue-in cheek Q & A fell into my inbox recently and as I and other ITG staff members read and enjoyed the submission we decided, as a break from my regular weekly column, to share it with the entire worldwide ITG audience. So, without further ado I give you, as submitted to ‘Scoop’, an “EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH PRESIDENT TRUMP”.
-scribed by Martin M. Kandel
Mar-a-Lago FL (September 8, 2017) – After the surprising announcement by the White House this week that President Donald J. Trump has authorized the immediate launch of a new private venture called Trump Vacation Ownership, Inside The Gate special correspondent Scoop remarkably secured an exclusive interview with the President regarding this latest controversy engulfing the Administration. Printed below are excerpts from the interview; the video of the entire interview is expected to be broadcast on RCI TV to coincide with the airing of the final season of Game of Thrones currently scheduled for 2024.
Scoop: Well, Mr. President, it is highly unusual for a sitting President to establish and operate a private business from the White House. Why have you chosen to get into the timeshare business?
President Trump: First, to be clear, I’m not getting into the “timeshare” business, Scoop, that is so yesterday. I am utilizing all my real estate and business experience and acumen to move into something completely new and unique, and I am calling it “vacation ownership”. Never been done before, and it’s going to be great. The best. I originally wanted to call it “shared vacations with strangers for a lifetime” but Melania wouldn’t allow it.
Scoop: How did you become familiar with timeshare, err, vacation ownership?
President Trump: I spend a lot of time in Florida, it’s a red state, my little pal Marco and I hang out there. Did you know I own some fantastic property there?
Scoop: Yes sir, I do. But how…
President Trump: I was campaigning in Kissimmee FL a couple of years ago, and our bus stopped so I could grab a quick hamburger. In the parking-lot a scantily clad young woman approached me and asked if I would like a free Whopper. Couldn’t resist. We spent the next hour on the bus discussing why I should come with her, and eventually she promised extra fries, a shake, and pie. Turns out she was trying to body snatch me to attend an informative and fun presentation. I love that word, don’t you?
President Trump: No, Whopper! I am shocked that a man of your age and stature would think those thoughts!
Scoop: OK, sorry. Did you know that the young lady was an “OPC” and you were being booked for a vacation ownership tour?
President Trump: Not right away. It turned out that the young lady worked indirectly for a very good friend of mine, a titan, a legend in the vacation business, but for the record let’s not use his real name. So, I called David and he told me that he would explain everything to me when I came by his office to pick up the check.
Scoop: Did you ever take that tour of the resort?
President Trump: No, not at that time. My wife wasn’t with me, and there was some question as to whether one or both of us had to be a US citizen. Also, I didn’t have any credit cards on me and there was the matter of a couple of small bankruptcies on my credit report. But I did receive a 3-day 2-night stay at a dude ranch.
Scoop: Can you describe your vacation ownership concept and plans?
President Trump: You know it’s going to be huge. Locations all over Florida and New York, Charlottesville, VA, Beverley Hills, Moscow. And then there are the golf courses. Best in the world. New Jersey. Washington DC. Dubai. Kiev. Scotland. The Scots love me, I think… can’t understand them but they are always mumbling and laughing.
Scoop: Sir, will your product be deeded or points based?
President Trump: Only a Democrat would do deeded, Scoop! Points, small points, great big points, pointy points, one point bigger than the other, but all points!
Scoop: I can see you are very excited about this, Mr. President Trump. Are you trying to avoid problems with resales?
President Trump: No one will ever sell a Trump Vacation Ownership product. The value of a Trump Vacation product will skyrocket just like the stock market. My advisors assure me that our biggest problem is we may not have enough product, which is one reason they recommend points… and a great legal team.
Scoop: What are your plans for marketing, sir?
President Trump: Twitter, Scoop. You should try it.
Scoop: Any other marketing plans…mini-vacations, in-house programs, corporate sponsorships …
President Trump: Sorry to interrupt, but I just thought of making hats and t-shirts embroidered with “Make vacations great again!” And buttons!
Scoop: So you are going to give away thousands of hats and shirts?
President Trump: No, actually I am going to wear a hat and shirt to all my official business functions. Imagine how inspired all the flood victims in Texas will be seeing me with a “Make vacations Great Again!” hat when I fly in for a photo-op. And the Europeans love it when I fly over in a baseball cap, nobody rocks a cap like the Donald!
Scoop: What about the sales side of the business, Mr. President?
President Trump: Wait, you’re on to something extra huge, Scoop. I won’t give away the hats and t-shirts, but I will allow Ivanka to sell the hats and shirts as part of her collection.
Scoop: No sir, I mean vacation ownership sales. I hear it’s not easy.
President Trump: I’ve hired Spicer to be my podium speaker, Mooch will be Sales director, but initially I will do the sales training myself. This is where being a politician will really come in handy… I must remember to just tell the truth, and the sales will flourish… they will be the greatest in the history of vacation ownership, bigger than sales in any industry in the world at any time.
Scoop: What of consumer protections, sir?
President Trump: Overrated. I favor deregulation of the entire industry. David and I don’t think anyone is really going to fight eliminating all federal and state regulation in the vacation ownership area. Besides, there are no Democrats in vacation ownership, they are all in timeshare!
Scoop: How can you eliminate state regulation of timeshare, sir?
President Trump: I have an agenda, Scoop, I must fulfill my campaign promises. I have only been in office 8 months. Give me a little time. The burdensome consumer laws will be gone, Mitch is on it. There will be no exchanges to Mexico. None! Firearms at all beach resorts! The list is endless, but I have to go now to send a few tweets to Kim Jung Un. I’ll be seeing you at the ribbon cutting, Scoop, and I promise to give you another interview after Hannity.
Scoop: Thank you, Mr. President… but sir, I think you dropped your Whopper certificate…
-by Martin M. Kandel –
Principal and General Counsel –
Timeshare Advisory & Resolution Services –
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