Some simple truths to help you get through life:
Lovers help each other undress before sex. However after sex, they always dress on their own. Simple Truth: In life, no one helps you once you’ve been screwed.
When a woman is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, “Congrats”. But none of them touch the man’s penis and say, “Good job”. The simple truth to this phenomenon is some members of a team are never appreciated.
If a guy compliments your shirt, he’s really saying he likes the way your boobs look in that shirt. If a guy compliments your pants, he likes your ass. If he compliments your shoes, he’s gay.
Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.
Forgive your enemy, but remember the asshole’s name.
If you help someone when they’re in trouble, they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.
Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
Alcohol does not solve any problems – – – but then – – – neither does milk.
Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.
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