ere are some heart-lifting things to make you smile during this American Thanksgiving holiday period.
To begin with, here’s a DEEP THOUGHT from the late great Carl Sagan: “If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch, you must first invent the universe.”
And here’s something irreverent: My wife asked me how to thaw a turkey? I said I usually just tell your mom a few jokes. If that doesn’t work there’s always alcohol. – Shane @shanethevein
From Readers Digest: Our eldest daughter, Ann, invited her college roommate to join our large family for Thanksgiving dinner. As families sometimes do, we got into a lively argument over a trivial subject until we remembered we had a guest in our midst. There was an immediate, embarrassed silence.
“Please don’t worry about me,” she said. “I was brought up in a family too.”
Contributed by Garrison H. McClure
“When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving” said comedian David Letterman. “But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog.
“It was the cat.”
One (or two) liners:
Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants. – Kevin James
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. – Erma Bombeck
Thanksgiving with an obstetrician: “The turkey is dilated to 4 inches and the stuffing is crowning. Let’s eat!”
You know that just before the first Thanksgiving there was one wise old Native American woman saying, “If you feed them, they’ll never leave.” – Dylan Brody
The Thanksgiving holiday brings Americans of all races and religions together to fight over discounted electronics. – Dave Barry
The best policy for the ingredients in giblet gravy is “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” – Melanie White
You can tell you ate too much for thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out. – Jay Leno
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest pumpkin pie, zucchini bread, and carrot cake. – Jim Davis
I’m so stuffed I feel like a bunch of people in matching outfits should be parading me down Fifth Avenue. – Ellen DeGeneres @TheEllenShow
HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYONE!
Do you have an ‘off’ topic you’d like to share? It can be about anything, which is why it’s called “Off Topic”. Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org, with the words “Off Topic” in the Subject Box.